Author: Admin

By Rosalind Sedacca, BA
Divorcing parents not only face challenges that are emotionally and legally complex. Many of those issues have long-lasting consequences. Especially when it comes to the children.
Deciding on the type of post-divorce parenting — whether it is some form of joint parenting, co-parenting, or parallel parenting is a crucial decision. The outcome is closely based on how well both parents get along before, during, and after the divorce.
Geographical proximity, the age of the children, and economic tension are additional contributing factors. Every decision made will affect the children — and the impact can be detected in children’s behavior, attitudes, and levels of self-esteem.
To help parents co-parent more effectively I’ve created a variety of questions that I use during coaching sessions with divorcing or divorced clients. In most cases, they work equally well not only before, but long after the divorce. If you ask and discuss these questions during mediation, it can help clients identify challenges they face, mistakes they can avoid, and stress triggers that need to be addressed to assure a better future for everyone in the family.
The more honest clients are with themselves and their former spouse, the easier it is for their children to transition successfully following the divorce.
It’s advantageous when both parents discuss and answer these questions during a session together. If that’s not possible they can bring the questions home to reflect on the consequences for their children if they choose conflict over cooperation with their ex.
If the other parent doesn’t want to cooperate with your client in answering these questions, there’s still value in sharing the questions with one parent.

1. How can we show our love and compassion for our children as they move through challenges they did not ask for or create?

All children of divorce are innocent victims. They deserve extra love, compassion, and conscious attention to their needs, especially emotionally and psychologically. Let your kids know they matter. Be there for them with a smile, kind word, attentive time spent together, and parental support either with or without your co-parent.

2. How can we make life better for our children after the divorce than it was before?

Very often, changing the family dynamic after divorce opens the door to more peace and less conflict in the home environment. Can we step up as parents and be more relaxed, calm, and less agitated around the kids than in the past? Can we give them more focused attention? Can we reduce their stress and find ways to generate more joy in their lives? They deserve it!

3. What can we do to boost their sense of security, self-esteem and well being during the transitions ahead?

Are we making decisions that foster goodwill, harmony, and cooperation in both parent homes? Are we reducing conflict around the kids and providing activities and communication that support the children in feeling safe and cared about? Are we watching the kids notice behavior or mood changes that need our attention?

4. How can we best contribute our non-financial assets physical, emotional and spiritual to create harmony, good will and a sense of peace within the post-divorce family?

Divorce changes the form of the family but need not mean the end of the family from the child’s perspective. Talk to your co-parent. As much as you may disagree about some issues, for many co-parents loving your children is a strong mutual agreement. If that’s the case, discuss ways each of you can help create a happier future and support goodwill within the post-divorce family in the months and years ahead.

5. Who can provide the best home environment for the children and for what percent of each day, week, month and year? Can we be flexible as the kids age and change stages in life?

Parenting plans can seem intimidating. Be authentically honest in creating your child’s future. No one knows your family better than you do. Put aside your anger/resentment for a while and talk about who really is best to parent the children at different times/days/stages of their life. It’s the children who will benefit from the best quality of parenting they can get.

6. How can we best support our children and minimize the emotional and spiritual damage inflicted upon them as a result of our divorce?

If your children experienced tough times before and during the divorce, now is the time to change that reality in their lives. Apologize when it’s appropriate. Ask them how they’re doing and really listen to their responses. Talk about what you can change at home to make life better. Give them permission to express their frustrations or anger inappropriate ways. Seek out a coach or support group for yourself and/or the kids to uncover new directions/options for solving problems.

7. Am I burdening my children with responsibilities only an adult should have to bear?

One of the biggest mistakes divorced parents make is letting their children parent them. Are you using your children as confidants, sharing information only an adult should know? Are you asking your kids to be messengers for you with their other parents? Even worse, are you asking them to spy for you about what’s happening in the other parent’s home? Giving children these responsibilities robs them of their childhood and their innocence, even when teens. Be very careful with your words and expectations for your children at all times.

8. Would I make this same parenting decision if we were still married or am I allowing my anger/hatred/hurt to affect my judgment and clarity?

Parenting is hard enough in any family. After divorce, it’s more complex. Ask yourself this vitally important question whenever a parenting decision comes along. Understand the consequences for your children if your parenting decisions are influenced or colored by the desire to hurt or get back at your former spouse.

9. Will our children respect us when they’re adults for the way we handled the divorce?

It’s hard to believe right now, but your children will grow up one day. As adults, they will judge, appreciate or criticize you for how you handled the divorce from their perspective. Did you take their feelings into account? Did your shame, guilt, or lie to them? Were you the role models they can acknowledge and respect you for? How can you give your children a happy ending? Start thinking about that today.
And last, but most important of all.

10. Do I love my kids more than I may dislike or hate my Ex?

If the answer isn’t clear, resounding YES, get professional guidance to clarify and shift your mindset. When anger, hatred, resentment, and dark thoughts overcome all other emotions, we are not being the caring parents our children need to help them thrive after divorce. Putting your children first is a gift they need and deserve. It may not be the easiest path, but it will generate the best outcome for everyone in the family. And, one day, when your kids have grown adults, they will THANK YOU for doing your divorce right!
With these questions as guidelines, your clients are on a straight path to creating a child-centered divorce one that honors their children’s rights through cooperative, respectful joint parenting.

Rosalind Sedacca, coaches parents regarding divorce issues. She can be contacted at www.ChildCenteredDivorce.com and 561-742-3537.

FLAFCC presents its new brochure (2019-):

Download Brochure – NEW 2019 FLACC Trifold Brochure

Page 1: Outside

Page 2: Inside

Last year, during my term last year as Chair of The Florida Bar Family Law Section, the section published an updated version of the Bounds of Advocacy, a guide for Florida lawyers on the professional and ethical dilemmas that are unique to the practice of family law. The Bounds of Advocacy draws on the sources that create our rules of professional conduct and views those rules through a family law perspective. It suggests a higher level of practice than the minimum baseline of conduct required by Florida Bar rules and spells out guidelines for situations that often arise in family law matters where the rules do not provide sufficient guidance.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers published the original Bounds of Advocacy in 1991 and revised it in 2002. In the same year, the Florida Bar Family Law Section formed a committee to adapt the guide to Florida law and practice, and the section published its original version of the Bounds of Advocacy Goals for Family Lawyers in Florida in 2004. The 2018 version is the first revision and update to the 2004 Florida publication.

I was honored that family law practitioners Richard West and Melinda Gamot accepted appointments to co-chair the Ad Hoc Bounds of Advocacy Committee as both were involved in the 2004 publication. Both are Florida Bar board certified in marital and family law and are fellows of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and the International Academy of Family Lawyers. They, along with other experienced family law attorneys from throughout the state, current and retired judiciary members, and even a mental health expert, worked tirelessly to ensure the quality of the republished version.

The importance of the update of the Bounds is highlighted by the public’s continued negative perception of our legal system and lawyers. The Florida Supreme Court and our bar have actively worked to improve public perception and lawyer behavior by promoting professionalism in the practice of law. In a 2013 opinion, the Florida Supreme Court enacted the code for resolving professionalism complaints and within the opinion, the Court made it clear that Florida Bar members shall not engage in unprofessional conduct, which they defined as substantial or repeated violations of the:

1. Oath of Admission to the Florida Bar – Link here
2. Florida Bar Creed of Professionalism – Link here
3. Florida Bar Professionalism Expectations – Link here
4. The Rules Regulating the Florida Bar – Link here
5. Opinions of the Florida Supreme Court – Link here

Section 1: Professional Cooperation and the Administration of Justice – This section emphasizes a family law attorney’s role as not only an advocate but as a counselor and an officer of the court. It demonstrates that we, as professionals, must not simply advocate for our clients, but that we must manage emotions, problem-solve, and assist in doing our part to ensure the effectiveness of our judicial system.

Section 2: Competence and Advice – This section addresses that not only must we, of course, provide competent representation, but as part of our representation, we must advise clients of the impact of changing the family structure, the impact of conflict on the family, especially children, and we must advise clients of methods for resolving conflict and of alternatives to litigation.

Section 3: Client Relationship and Decision Making – This section recognizes that attorneys involved in a family law case, like every attorney, have obligations to their clients regarding diligence and communication. However, it reflects that these types of issues take on additional importance in family law cases where emotions run high and clients are sometimes unable to approach matters with the rationality needed to render appropriate decisions.

Section 4: Conflicts of Interest – This section highlights those situations within a family law matter where conflicts of interest often appear.

Section 5: Fees – This section establishes best practices and clear boundaries relating to attorney fees in family law cases.

Section 6: Children – Finally, this section addresses the family law lawyer’s unique role as it relates to children. It emphasizes, consistent with our obligations to our client, our role as a counselor who advises his or her client of the impact of contemplated actions on the children. It also highlights some of those areas where children’s interests are directly addressed within our law.

Richard West and Melinda Gamot shared their thoughts about the importance of the Bounds to the practice of family law. Their quotes were published in the May 15, 2018, issue of The Florida Bar News.
We hope family lawyers will use the Bounds to better serve our clients, our system of justice, and our individual practices by reducing the emotional and financial costs of family law conflicts, said West. Adopting the spirit of the Bounds will lead to increased cooperation while eliminating many of the negative aspects of restructuring a family. The committee is proud to present our vision to the family law bar.
The Bounds is a tool for the family lawyer to increase the level of professionalism and civility in an area of law fraught with human emotions, said Gamot. We strive to raise the level of positive behaviors for the lawyers and their clients.

In closing, the Bounds presents helpful assistance to anyone handling a family matter. Although all Family Law Section members should have received a hard copy of the publication in June of 2018, an electronic version of the publication is available on the Family Law Section’s website for anyone to download. Click on this link for your free copy.
By Nicole L. Goetz, P.L., Naples (Website)

On December 15, 2018 I began my term as President of the Florida Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts. This was the official beginning of what I hope and expect to be a highly positive, eventful year. FLAFCC has always been a leader and an innovator in providing guidance, setting standards, and paving the way for growth, development, and change in all areas of Family Law.

Looking back over the past year, Debra Weaver, Ph.D., our immediate past President, led us on a fantastic journey that provided us with our highly successful conference (chaired by Sheba Katz), as well as progress on the Eldercaring Coordination project and other programs. I, and hopefully all of you, thank her for her hard work and dedication to FLAFCC and what it stands for. We also have a hard-working and innovative Board of Directors who volunteer their time to forward the FLAFCC mission. These Board members are very approachable, and I invite all of you to reach out to them and discuss how to get involved.

Over the next year, we have a lot of important work planned. Our 15th annual conference, whose theme and the title is Miles To Go: Moving Families Forward is currently in the planning stage with the call for presenters having just gone out. Last year’s conference was a great success with the highest number of registrants of any of our conferences. We are going to continue to offer pre-conference tracks in Mental Health, Legal, and Financial areas. The conference will offer workshops provided by top-rated, cutting-edge professionals. Continuing education credits will be provided for all professions including Mediators.

In addition to our ongoing efforts related to Parenting Coordination and Social Investigation, FLAFCC will continue to concentrate on Eldercaring Coordination. In December we created an Eldercaring Coordination standing committee to further this national and international initiative. During 2019 we will also be looking at the Intake Review process for Florida Family Courts. This project aims to revise the family court intake process to better serve families who are just entering the family law arena and may not have professional help to rely on for guidance. We will be updating our website and media material and strengthening our social media presence. This will also make our organization more visible. Each one of these areas is being spearheaded by past and current Board members; please contact me or another board member if you have an interest in helping with these projects.

All of us at FLAFCC are looking forward to 2019 being a highly productive year as we facilitate, develop and enhance Family Law programs to benefit the people of Florida. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve this group. I look forward to working with this fantastic Board and you, all the members of FLAFCC.

Craig Fabrikant, PhD

My term as president came to a close on December 15 at the annual membership meeting and Board of Directors meeting. I want to thank you all for your support throughout the year. It has truly been an honor and a privilege to be the president of such a prestigious organization. I had a wonderful Board to work with and look forward to this year, serving as Immediate Past President and conference co-chair.

2018 was a memorable year for FLAFCC some of our highlights this past year include:

1. Annual conference. This year’s theme Open Minds: Diverse Services for Diverse Families captured what we do every day. FLAFCC again partnered with OSCA to put on an excellent conference, meeting the mutual needs of both groups. FLAFCC has always been forward-thinking– seeking best practices, forwarding research and legislation, to improve the family law experience for FL residents and to provide state-of-the-art research information and best-practice models for our membership.
   Pre-conference tracks. We introduced half-day tracks focused on meeting continuing education needs of the various disciplines represented in our membership. These tracks were very well attended, received very positive feedback, and generated income for our organization. The success of these tracks will ensure their presence in future conferences.
   Conference content. the conference provided a wide variety of content with the aim of providing information that is directly applicable in the attendee’s profession. There were also a significant number of first-time presenters. As a result, information was on cutting-edge topics, providing up-to-date information, and new perspectives. There were also a number of return presenters with up-to-date information on a variety of relevant topics. It was nice to hear attendees complaining that they could not attend all of the workshops they wanted to!!!
   Attendance-the 2018 conference was very well attended exceeding previous conferences. It was great to see familiar faces and add to our membership. The conference also generated additional income for FLAFCC, making future conferences possible.
2. FLAFCC Sponsored Initiatives. FLAFCC and a number of its members have been instrumental in advancing best practice models and new legislation. Two current initiatives are in full swing.
   Eldercaring Coordination (EC) has continued to grow and increase awareness of EC throughout 2018 under the leadership of the Honorable Michelle Morley and Linda Fieldstone. Here are a few of EC’s highlights: 1. EC received a grant from the American Arbitration Association to recruit new pilot sites, for training new coordinators, and to develop video education. 2. Staywell/Well Care (the largest Medicare/Medicaid Health Care provider in FL contributed grant funds designed to assist their families with financial needs in accessing these vital services. 3. EC has established themselves as, not only a statewide initiative, but a national and international one as well. OH and ID are rolling our EC sites throughout their states; CA, MD, and Toronto are all pending Pilot Sites. 4. Internationally, EC was highlighted at the International Symposium on Innovations with Children and Families in Montreal, at the United Nations at the World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, and made presentation and conducted a workshop at the International Federation on Ageing Global Conference in Toronto. 5. The ABA Commission of Law and Aging published a new legislative fact sheet that included EC as an option for families in discord. 6. The ABA National Conference on Aging and the Law featured plenary session on EC in coordination with researchers from Va. Tech. and 7. The Australian Mediation Conference in including a workshop on EC in their April 2019 conference.
   Congratulations to EC for outstanding accomplishments last year!!

The Family Law Intake Revision Project is underway. This initiative is led by the Honorable Sandra Karlan, (ret) and Robert Merlin, JD. They had hoped for a kick-off at the 2017 conference, but hurricane Maria caused that conference to be cancelled. So, they continued work and had their kick-off at the 2018 conference! With the approval and support of the FL Supreme Court Committee on Children and Families in the Court and in compliance with recommendations in the FL Supreme Court’s Model Family Court opinion (2001), FLAFCC created a Task Force on Family Court Intake. The mission of this task force is to create an intake process to provide information, make referrals to legal or social services, and assist self-represented litigants, with services available whether or not the person files a lawsuit and without regard to income. The co-chairs have assembled various stakeholders to consider the necessary elements to create an updated intake system for families that could be implemented throughout FL.

In closing, FLAFCC has had a memorable 2018, but there is plenty to look forward to in 2019. Join me, as I say farewell, in wishing our new president, Craig Fabrikant, and our Board of Directors a productive and successful 2019.

At our annual meeting at the Florida Hotel and Conference Center, Orlando, the current board and all interested members in attendance will vote on new board members and the 2019 officer slate. New board member nominees include: Amy Hamlin, J.D., Altamonte Springs, FL ; Philip Wartenberg, J.D., Tampa, FL; Rebecca Amster, J.D., PsyD, Miami, FL and Josh Shilts, CPA, Jacksonville, FL. Additionally, Wilhelmina Tribble and Pam Schneider are being nominated for a second term.

The proposed officer slate for 2019 is:

Past President Deb Weaver

President Craig Fabrikant

President Elect Mary Lou Wagstaff

Vice President Sheba Katz

Treasurer Josh Shilts

Secretary Lisette Beraja.